Protecting or Running?

I've got a quandary that I'm trying to figure out about a decision I'm trying to make.  It's this type of shit that pops into my heart (I meant head, but I think that may be a Freudian slip I shouldn't change just yet) because I try to balance what I am doing, with what I want from life at the same time I try to make sure I'm not back sliding into bad habits. 

Meaning, every time I think I should do something, I ask myself why.  Am I doing this because it's the right thing for me? Or am I doing it because it's the easiest path, the one with least resistance? Or because I'm just plain old scared shitless?

I told the Cute Boy earlier in the week that I wasn't going to guilt him anymore.  That's a fault of my personality and I don't care for it.  I'm not going to beg either.  He has my number, he knows where I live, if he wants to spend time with me, I'm here.  That was four days ago and I admit, the contact has been less.  But it hasn't been non existent.  He calls to say hi, he texts, but it is quite different from when I was clinging onto something.  But I also feel freer, I'm no longer constantly checking my Blackberry in hopes of a text or call in response to the one I sent.  I'm able to focus.  I've hung pictures on my wall, I've watched movies, I've done laundry. 

So is this good?  We've talked many times about how I want a relationship.  He's not quite at that point.  He says he wants one, just not at this point.  I feel like I need to back off, he needs to come into this on his own if he is going to come into it at all. I don't want it any other way.

That being said, I want it, I really do.  I've fallen for this Cute Boy.  I'm at the point where I want to cut and run.  Because he's not there, I feel like no matter what he's never going to be.  That my heart is just waiting to be broken, so if I leave now, it will hurt less.

But will it?

So is it worth sticking with this - enjoying whatever fun I have now, living in the moment and handling what ever cards I'm dealt with my big girl panties on when then moment arises?  Or do I run? If I run I could just run into something else far less enjoyable and still get hurt.  Therein lies the dilemma.

And I don't know.  I really don't know.  I want to be able to live in the moment, but the pain of the past is bubbling up.  I make it thru that once before and I don't want to just keep making it thru.  I want something that is going to erase that... that will make me realize that the relationship I had isn't how they're supposed to be.  That it was simply a joker in the deck of cards that my life has dealt. 

I just don't know my friends.  I'm kinda at a standstill. Stay, love, potentially be hurt or run, curl up and protect my already fragile heart?